I kept my head down as I made the walk of shame
past the registration desk and exited the hotel
through a side door. I was red-faced with
embarrassment remembering the manager who’d
greeted Gideon as we got on the elevator. I could
only imagine what he’d thought of me. He had to
know what Gideon reserved that room for. I
couldn’t stand the thought of being the next in a
line of many and yet that’s exactly what I’d been
from the moment we entered the hotel.
How hard would it have been to stop by the front
desk and secure a room that was ours alone?
I started walking with no direction or destination
in mind. It was dark out now, the city taking on a
whole new life and energy from what it had during
the business day. Steaming food carts dotted the
sidewalks, along with a vendor selling framed
artwork, another hawking novelty T-shirts, and yet
another who had two folding tables covered in
movie and television episode scripts.
With every step I took, the adrenaline from my
flight burned away. The maliciously gleeful
thoughts of Gideon coming out of the bathroom to
find an empty room and paraphernalia-strewn bed
ran their course. I began to calm down…and
seriously think about what had just happened.
Was it a coincidence that Gideon invited me to
a gym that just so happened to be conveniently
close to his fuck pad?
I remembered the conversation we’d had in his
office over lunch and the way he’d struggled to
express himself to keep me. He was as confused
and torn about what was happening between us
as I was, and I knew how easy it was to fall into
established patterns. After all, hadn’t I just fallen
into one of my own by bailing? I’d spent enough
years in therapy to know better than to wound and
run when I was hurting.
Heartsick, I stepped into an Italian bistro and
took a table. I ordered a glass of shiraz and a
pizza margherita, hoping wine and food would
calm the vibrating anxiety inside me so that I could
think properly.
When the waiter returned with my wine, I gulped
down half the glass without really tasting it. I
missed Gideon already, missed the playful happy
mood he’d been in when I left. His scent was all
over me—the smell of his skin and hot, grinding
sex. My eyes stung and I let a few tears slide
down my face, despite being in a very public, very
busy restaurant. My food came and I picked at it. It
tasted like cardboard, although I doubted that had
anything to do with the chef or the venue.
Pulling over the chair where I’d set my bag, I
dug out my new smartphone with the intention of
leaving a message with Dr. Travis’s answering
service. He’d suggested we have video chat
appointments until I found a new therapist in New
York and I decided to take him up on that offer.
That’s when I noticed the twenty-one missed calls
from Gideon and a text; I fucked up again.
Don’t break up with me. Talk to me. Pls.
The tears welled again. I held the phone to my
heart, at a loss for what to do. I couldn’t get the
images of Gideon and other women out of my
mind. I couldn’t stop picturing him fucking the hell
out of another woman on that same bed, using
toys on her, driving her crazy, taking his pleasure
from her body…
It was irrational and pointless to think of such
things, and it made me feel petty and small and
physically sick.
I startled when the phone vibrated against me,
nearly dropping it. Nursing my misery, I debating
letting it go to voice mail because I could see on
the screen that it was Gideon—plus he was the
only one who had the number—but I couldn’t
ignore it, because he was clearly frantic. As much
as I’d wanted to wound him earlier, I couldn’t stand
to do it now.
“Hello.” My voice didn’t sound like mine,
clogged as it was with tears and emotion.
“Eva! Thank God.” Gideon sounded so anxious.
“Where are you?”
Looking around, I didn’t see anything that would
tell me the name of the restaurant. “I don’t know.
I…I’m sorry, Gideon.”
“No, Eva. Don’t. It’s my fault. I need to find you.
Can you describe where you’re at? Did you
walk?”
“Yes. I walked.”
“I know which exit you took. Which way did you
head?” He was breathing quickly and I could hear
the sounds of traffic and car horns in the
background.
“To the left.”
“Did you turn any corners after that?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t know.” I looked around
for a server I could ask. “I’m in a restaurant. Italian.
There’s seating on the sidewalk…and a wrought
iron fence. French doors…Jesus, Gideon, I—”
He appeared, silhouetted in the entrance with
the phone held to his ear. I knew him immediately,
watched as he froze when he saw me seated
against the wall toward the back. Shoving the
phone into the pocket of jeans he’d had stored at
the hotel, he strode past the hostess who’d
starting speaking to him and headed straight for
me. I barely managed to get to my feet before he
hauled me against him and embraced me tightly.
“God.” He shook slightly and buried his face in
my neck. “Eva.”
I hugged him back. He was fresh from a
shower, making me achingly aware of my need for
one.
“I can’t be here,” he said hoarsely, pulling back
to cup my face in his hands. “I can’t be in public
right now. Will you come home with me?”
Something on my face must have betrayed my
lingering wariness, because he pressed his lips to
my forehead and murmured, “It won’t be like the
hotel, I promise. My mother’s the only woman
who’s ever been to my place, aside from the
housekeeper and staff.”
“This is stupid,” I muttered. “I’m being stupid.”
“No.” He brushed the hair back from my face
and bent closer to whisper in my ear. “If you’d
taken me to a place you reserved for fucking other
men, I would’ve lost it.”
The waiter returned and we pulled apart.
“Should I get you a menu, sir?”
“That won’t be necessary.” Gideon dug his
wallet out of his back pocket and handed over his
credit card. “We’re leaving.”
We took a cab to Gideon’s place and he held on
to my hand the entire time. I shouldn’t have been
so nervous riding a private elevator up to a
penthouse apartment on Fifth Avenue. The sight
of high ceilings and prewar architecture wasn’t
new to me, and really, it was all to be expected
when dating a man who seemed to own damn
near everything. And the coveted view of Central
Park…well, of course he’d have one.
But Gideon’s tension was palpable, and it
made me realize that this was a big deal to him.
When the elevator opened directly into his
apartment’s marbled entry foyer, his grip on my
hand tightened before he released me. He
unlocked the double-door entrance to usher me
inside, and I could feel his anxiety as he watched
for my reaction.
Gideon’s home was as beautiful as the man
himself. It was so very different from his office,
which was sleek, modern, and cool. His private
space was warm and sumptuous, filled with
antiques and art anchored by gorgeous Aubusson
rugs laid over gleaming hardwood floors.
“It’s…amazing,” I said softly, feeling privileged
to see it. It was a glimpse into the private Gideon I
was desperate to know and it was stunning.
“Come in.” He tugged me deeper into the
apartment. “I want you to sleep here tonight.”
“I don’t have clothes and stuff…”
“All you need is the toothbrush in your purse.
We can run by your place in the morning for the
rest. I promise to get you to work on time.” He
pulled me into him and set his chin on the crown of
my head. “I’d really like you to stay, Eva. I don’t
blame you for running, but it scared the hell out of
me. I need to hang on to you for a while.”
“I need to be held.” I pushed my hands under the
back of his T-shirt to caress the silken hardness of
his bare back. “I could also use a shower.”
With his nose in my hair, he inhaled deeply. “I
like you smelling like me.”
But he led me through the living room and down
a hall to his bedroom.
“Wow,” I breathed when he flicked on the light.
A massive sleigh bed dominated the space, the
wood dark—which he seemed to prefer—and the
linens a soft cream. The rest of the furnishings
matched the bed and the accents were brushed
gold. It was a warm, masculine space with no art
on the walls to detract from the serene night view
of Central Park and the magnificent residential
buildings on the other side. My side of Manhattan.
“The bathroom’s in here.”
As I took in the vanity, which appeared to have
been made out of an antique claw-footed walnut
cabinet, he pulled towels out of a companion
armoire and set them out for me, moving with that
confident sensual grace I admired so much.
Seeing him in his home, dressed so casually,
touched me. Knowing I was the only woman to
have this experience with him affected me even
more. I felt like I was seeing him more naked now
than I ever had. “Thank you.”
He glanced at me and seemed to understand
that I was talking about more than the towels. His
stare burned through me. “It feels good to have
you here.”
“I have no idea how I ended up like this, with
you.” But I really, really liked it.
“Does it matter?” Gideon came to me, tilting my
chin up to press a kiss to the tip of my nose. “I’ll
lay out a T-shirt for you on the bed. Caviar and
vodka sound good to you?”
“Well…that’s quite a step up from pizza.”
He smiled. “Petrossian’s Ossetra.”
“I stand corrected.” I smiled back. “Several
hundred steps up.”
I showered and dressed in the oversized Cross
Industries shirt he laid out for me; then I called
Cary to tell him I’d be out all night and give him a
brief rundown about the hotel incident.
He whistled. “I’m not even sure what to say
about that.”
A speechless Cary Taylor spoke volumes.
I joined Gideon in the living room, and we sat on
the floor at the coffee table to eat the prized caviar
with mini toast and crème fraiche. We watched a
rerun of a New York-set police procedural that just
happened to include a scene filmed on the street
in front of the Crossfire.
“I think it’d be cool to see a building I owned on
TV like that,” I said.
“It’s not bad, if they don’t close off the street for
hours to film.”
I bumped shoulders with him. “Pessimist.”
We crawled into Gideon’s bed at ten thirty and
watched the last half of a show while curled up
together. Sexual tension crackled in the air
between us, but he didn’t make any overtures so I
didn’t either. I suspected he was still trying to
make amends for the hotel, trying to prove that he
wanted to spend time with me not “actively
fucking.”
It worked. As much as I desired his
outrageously sexy body, it felt good just hanging
out together.
He slept in the nude, which was fabulous for me
to cuddle up against. I tossed one leg over his,
wrapped an arm around his waist, and rested my
cheek over his heart. I don’t remember the ending
of the show, so I suppose I fell asleep before it
was over.
When I woke it was still dark in the room and I’d
rolled to the far side of my half of the bed. I sat up
to see the digital clock face on Gideon’s
nightstand and found it was barely three in the
morning. I usually slept straight through the night
and thought maybe the strange surroundings were
keeping me from sleeping deeply; then Gideon
moaned and shifted restlessly and I realized what
had disturbed me. The sound he made was
pained, his subsequent hiss of breath tormented.
“Don’t touch me,” he whispered harshly. “Get
your fucking hands off of me!”
I froze, my heart racing. His words sliced
through the dark, filled with fury.
“You sick bastard.” He writhed, his legs kicking
at the covers. His back arched on a groan that
sounded perversely erotic. “Don’t. Ah, Christ…It
hurts.”
He strained, his body twisting. I couldn’t bear it.
“Gideon.” Because Cary had nightmares
sometimes, I knew better than to touch a man in
the throes of one. Instead, I knelt on my side of the
bed and called his name. “Gideon, wake up.”
Stilling abruptly, he fell to his back, tense and
expectant. His chest heaved with panting breaths.
His cock was hard and lay heavily along his belly.
I spoke firmly, although my heart was breaking.
“Gideon. You’re dreaming. Come back to me.”
He deflated into the mattress. “Eva…?”
“I’m here.” Shifting, I moved out of the way of the
moonlight, but saw no luminous glitter that would
tell me his eyes were open. “Are you awake?”
His breathing began to slow, but he didn’t
speak. His hands were fisted in the bottom sheet.
I pulled the shirt I was wearing over my head and
dropped it on the bed. I sidled closer, reaching out
with a tentative hand to touch his arm. When he
didn’t move, I caressed him, my fingertips sliding
gently over the hard muscle of his biceps.
“Gideon?”
He jerked awake. “What? What is it?”
I sat back on my heels with my hands on my
thighs. I saw him blink at me, and then shove both
hands through his hair. I could feel the nightmare
clinging to him, could sense it in the rigidness of
his body.
“What’s wrong?” he asked gruffly, pushing up
onto one elbow. “You okay?”
“I want you.” I stretched out against him, aligning
my bare body to his. Pressing my face into his
damp throat, I sucked gently on his salty skin. I
knew from my own nightmares that being held and
loved could push the specters back into the closet
for a little while.
His arms came around me, his hands running
up and down the curve of my spine. I felt him let go
of the dream with a long, deep sigh.
Pushing him to his back, I climbed over him and
sealed my mouth over his. His erection was
notched between the lips of my sex and I rocked
against him. The feel of his hands in my hair,
holding me to take control of the kiss, quickly
made me wet and ready. Fire licked just beneath
my skin. I stroked my clit up and down his thick
length, using him to masturbate until he made a
rough sound of desire and rolled to put me
beneath him.
“I don’t have any condoms in the house,” he
murmured before wrapping his lips around my
nipple and sucking gently.
I loved that he wasn’t prepared. This wasn’t his
fuck pad; this was his home and I was the only
lover he’d brought into it. “I know you mentioned
swapping bills of health when we talked about
birth control and that’s the responsible way to go,
but—”
“I trust you.” He lifted his head, looking at me in
the faint light of the moon. Kneeing my legs open,
he pushed the first bare inch inside me. He was
scorching hot and silky soft.
“Eva,” he breathed, clutching me tightly to him.
“I’ve never…Christ, you feel so good. I’m so glad
you’re here.”
I tugged his lips down to mine and kissed him.
“Me, too.”
I woke the way I’d fallen asleep, with Gideon on
top of me and inside me. His gaze was heavylidded
with desire as I rose from unconsciousness
into heated pleasure. His hair hung around his
shoulders and face, looking even sexier for being
sleep-tousled. But best of all, there were no
shadows in his gorgeous eyes, nothing lingering
from the pain that haunted his dreams.
“I hope you don’t mind,” he murmured with a
wicked grin, sliding in and out. “You’re warm and
soft. I can’t help but want you.”
I stretched my arms over my head and arched
my back, pressing my breasts into his chest.
Through the slender arch-topped windows, I saw
the soft light of dawn fill the sky. “Umm…I could
get used to waking up like this.”
“That was my thought at three this morning.” He
rolled his hips and sank deep into me. “I thought
I’d return the favor.”
My body revved to life, my pulse quickening.
“Yes, please.”
Cary was gone when we got to my apartment,
leaving a note behind to tell me he was on a job,
but would be back in plenty of time for pizza with
Trey. Since I’d been too upset to enjoy my pie the
night before, I was ready to try again when I was
having a good time.
“I have a business dinner tonight,” Gideon said,
leaning over my shoulder to read. “I was hoping
you’d come with me and make it bearable.”
“I can’t bail out on Cary,” I said apologetically,
turning to face him. “Chicks before dicks and all
that.”
His mouth twitched and he caged me to the
breakfast bar. He was dressed for work in a suit
I’d picked out, a graphite gray Prada with a soft
sheen. His tie was the blue one that matched his
eyes, and as I’d lain on his bed and watched him
dress, I’d had to fight the urge to take it all off him.
“Cary isn’t a chick. But I get the point. I want to see
you tonight. Can I come over after the dinner and
stay the night?”
Heated anticipation rushed through me. I
smoothed my hands over his vest, feeling like I
had a special secret because I knew exactly what
he looked like without his clothes on. “I’d love it if
you did.”
“Good.” He gave a satisfied nod. “I’ll make us
coffee, while you get dressed.”
“The beans are in the freezer. The grinder’s
next to the coffee pot.” I pointed. “And I like lots of
milk and a little sweetener.”
When I came out twenty minutes later, Gideon
grabbed two travel mugs of coffee off the
breakfast bar and we headed down to the lobby.
Paul hustled us out the front door and into the
backseat of Gideon’s waiting Bentley SUV.
As Gideon’s driver pulled into traffic, Gideon
checked me out and said, “You’re definitely trying
to kill me. Are you wearing the garters again?”
Pulling the hem of my skirt up, I showed him
where the top of my black silk stockings hooked
to my black lace garter belt.
His muttered curse made me smile. I’d chosen
a black short-sleeved silk turtleneck sweater
paired with a decently short pleated skirt in
lipstick red and heeled Mary Janes. Because
Cary hadn’t been around to manage something
fancy with my hair, I’d pulled it back in a ponytail.
“You like?”
“I’m hard.” His voice was husky, and he
adjusted himself in his trousers. “How the hell am I
going to get through the day thinking about you
dressed like that?”
“There’s always lunch,” I suggested, fantasizing
about a nooner on Gideon’s office couch.
“I have a business lunch today. I’d reschedule, if
I hadn’t moved it already yesterday.”
“You rescheduled an appointment for me? I’m
flattered.”
He reached over and brushed his fingertips
over my cheek, a now-habitual gesture of affection
that was tender and fiercely intimate. I was
coming to depend on receiving those touches.
I leaned my cheek into his palm. “Can you carve
fifteen minutes out of your day for me?”
“I’ll manage it.”
“Call me when you know the time.”
Taking a deep breath, I dug into my bag and
wrapped my hand around a gift I wasn’t sure he’d
want, but I couldn’t get the memory of his
nightmare out of my head. I hoped that what I had
for him would remind him of me and three A.M.
sex, and help him cope. “I have something. I
thought…”
It suddenly seemed conceited to give him what
I’d brought.
He frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It’s just…” I exhaled in a rush. “Listen, I
have something for you, but I just realized it’s one
of those gifts—well, it’s not really a gift. I’m already
thinking it’s not appropriate and—”
He thrust out his hand. “Give it to me.”
“You can totally decide not to take it—”
“Shut up, Eva.” He crooked his fingers. “Give it
to me.”
I pulled it out of my bag and handed it over.
Gideon stared down at the framed photograph
in complete silence. It was a novelty frame
depicting die-cut images of things relating to
graduation, including a digital clock face that read
3:00 A.M. The picture was of me posing on
Coronado Beach in a coral bikini with a big floppy
straw hat—I was tanned, happy, and blowing a
kiss to Cary, who’d playacted the role of a highfashion
photographer by calling out ridiculous
encouragements. Beautiful, dahling. Show me
sassy. Show me sexy. Brilliant. Show me catty…
rawr…
Embarrassed, I squirmed a little on the seat.
“Like I said, you don’t have to keep—”
“I—” He cleared his throat. “Thank you, Eva.”
“Ah, well…” I was grateful to see the Crossfire
outside my window. I jumped out quickly when the
driver pulled over and ran my hands over my skirt,
feeling self-conscious. “If you want, I can hang on
to it until later.”
Gideon shut the door of the Bentley and shook
his head. “It’s mine. You’re not taking it back.”
He linked our fingers together and gestured
toward the revolving door with the hand holding
the frame. I warmed when I realized he intended to
take my picture into work with him.
One of the fun things about the ad business was
that no day was ever the same as the one before
it. I was hopping all morning and was just
beginning to contemplate what to do about lunch
when my phone rang. “Mark Garrity’s office, Eva
Tramell speaking.”
“I’ve got news,” Cary said by way of greeting.
“What?” I could tell by his voice that it was good
news, whatever it was.
“I landed a Grey Isles campaign.”
“Oh my God! Cary, that’s awesome! I love their
jeans.”
“What are you doing for lunch?”
I grinned. “Celebrating with you. Can you be
here at noon?”
“I’m already on my way.”
I hung up and rocked back in my chair, so
thrilled for Cary I felt like dancing. Needing
something to do to kill the fifteen minutes
remaining before my lunch break, I checked my
inbox again and found a Google alert digest for
Gideon’s name. Over thirty mentions, in just one
day.
I opened the e-mail and freaked out a little at
the numerous “mystery woman” headlines. I
clicked on the first link and found myself landing
on a gossip blog.
There, in living color, was a photo of Gideon
kissing me senseless on the sidewalk outside of
his gym. The accompanying article was short and
to the point:
“Gideon Cross, New York’s most eligible
bachelor since John F. Kennedy Jr., was spotted
yesterday in a passionate public embrace. A
source at Cross Industries identified the lucky
mystery woman as socialite Eva Tramell,
daughter of multimillionaire Richard Stanton and
his wife, Monica. When queried about the nature
of the relationship between Cross and Tramell,
the source confirmed that Miss Tramell is ‘the
significant woman’ in the mogul’s life at present.
We imagine hearts are breaking across the
country this morning.”
“Oh, crap,” I breathed.
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