I pushed to my feet in a rush.
“Don’t,” he warned in a dark purr. “You’re not
running yet. We’re not done.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Being under someone else’s thumb—losing my
right to say no!—was never going to happen
again. “You know what I went through. I need
control as much as you do.”
“Sit down, Eva.”
I stayed on my feet, just to prove my point.
His smile widened and my insides melted. “Do
you have any idea how crazy I am about you?” he
murmured.
“You’re crazy all right, if you think I’m going to
put up with being ordered around, especially
sexually.”
“Come on, Eva. You know I don’t want to beat
you, punish you, hurt you, demean you, or order
you around like a pet. Those aren’t needs either of
us has.” Straightening, Gideon leaned forward
us has.” Straightening, Gideon leaned forward
and placed his elbows on the desktop. “You’re the
most important thing in my life. I treasure you. I
want to protect you and make you feel safe. That’s
why we’re talking about this.”
God. How could he be so wonderful and so
insane at the same time? “I don’t need to be
dominated!”
“What you need is someone to trust—No. Close
your mouth, Eva. You’ll wait until I’m finished.”
My protest spluttered into silence.
“You’ve asked me to reacquaint your body with
acts previously used to hurt and terrorize you. I
can’t tell you what your trust means to me or what
it would do to me if I broke that trust. I can’t risk it,
Eva. We have to do this right.”
I crossed my arms. “I guess I’m dumber than
bricks. I thought our sex life was rockin’.”
Setting his glass down, Gideon kept going as if
I hadn’t spoken. “You asked me to meet a need of
yours today and I agreed. Now we need to—”
“If I’m not what you want, just spit it out!” I set the
picture frame and my glass down before I did
something with them I’d regret. “Don’t try and
pretty it up with—”
He was around the desk and on me before I
could stumble back more than a couple steps. His
mouth sealed over mine, his arms caged me. As
he’d done earlier, he carried me to a wall and
restrained me against it, his hands banding my
wrists and lifting them high above my head.
Trapped, I could nothing as he bent his knees
and stroked my cleft with the rigid length of his
erection. Once, twice. Silk rasped against my
swollen clit. The bite of his teeth on my covered
nipple sent a shiver through me, while the clean
scent of his warm skin intoxicated me. With a
gasp, I sagged into his embrace.
“See how easily you submit when I take over?”
His lips followed the arch of my brow. “And it feels
good doesn’t it? It feels right.”
“That’s not fair.” I stared up at him. How could
he expect me to respond any differently? As
disturbed and confounded as I was, I was
helplessly drawn to him.
“Of course it is. It’s also true.”
My gaze roamed over that glorious mane of
inky hair and the chiseled lines of his
incomparable face. The longing I felt was so acute
it was painful. The hidden damage inside him only
made me love him more. There were times when I
felt like I’d found the other half of myself in him.
“I can’t help it that you turn me on,” I muttered,
“My body is physiologically supposed to soften
and relax, so you can shove that big cock inside
me.”
“Eva. Let’s be honest. You want me to have total
control. It’s important to you that you can trust me
to take care of you. There’s nothing wrong with
that. The reverse is true for me—I need you to
trust me enough to give up that control.”
I couldn’t think when he was pressed up against
me, my body achingly aware of every hard inch of
him. “I am not submissive.”
“You are with me. If you look back, you’ll see
you’ve been yielding to me all along.”
“You’re good in bed! And have more
experience. Of course I let you do what you want
to me.” I bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been as exciting for you.”
“Bullshit, Eva. You know how much I enjoy
making love to you. If I could get away with it, I’d
do nothing else. We’re not talking about games
that get me off.”
“Then we’re talking about what gets me off? Is
that what this is?”
“Yes. I thought so.” He frowned. “You’re upset. I
didn’t mean—Damn it. I thought discussing this
would help us.”
“Gideon.” My eyes stung, then flooded with
tears. He looked as wounded and confused as I
felt. “You’re breaking my heart.”
Releasing my wrists, he stepped back and
swept me up in his arms, carrying me out of his
office and down the hallway to a closed door.
“Turn the knob,” he said quietly.
We entered a candlelit room that still smelled
faintly of new paint. For a few seconds I was
disoriented, unable to comprehend how we’d
stepped out of Gideon’s apartment and into my
bedroom.
“I don’t understand.” A serious understatement,
but my brain was still trying to get past the feeling
of being teleported from one residence to
another. “You…moved me in with you?”
“Not quite.” He set me down, but kept an arm
around me. “I recreated your room based on the
photo I took of you sleeping.”
“Why?”
What the hell? Who did something like that?
Was this all to keep me from witnessing his
nightmares?
The thought shattered my heart further. I felt like
Gideon and I were drifting further away from each
other by the moment.
His hands sifted through my damp hair, which
only increased my agitation. I felt like batting his
touch away and putting at least the length of the
room between us. Maybe two rooms.
“If you feel the need to run,” he said softly, “you
can come in here and shut the door. I promise not
to bother you until you’re ready. This way, you
have your safe place and I know that you haven’t
left me.”
A million questions and speculations roared
through my mind, but the one thing that stuck out
was, “Are we still going to share a bed when
we’re sleeping?”
“Every night.” Gideon’s lips touched my
forehead. “How could you think otherwise? Talk to
me, Eva. What’s going through that beautiful head
of yours?”
“What’s going through my head?” I snapped.
“What the fuck is going on in yours? What
happened to you in the four days we were broken
up?”
His jaw tightened. “We never broke up, Eva.”
The phone rang in the other room. I cursed
under my breath. I wanted us to talk and I wanted
him to go away, both at the same time.
He squeezed my shoulders, and then let me go.
“That’s our dinner.”
I didn’t follow him when he left, feeling too
unsettled to eat. Instead, I crawled onto the bed
that was exactly like my own and curled around a
pillow, closing my eyes. I didn’t hear Gideon come
back, but I felt him as he drew to a stop at the
edge of the bed.
“Please don’t make me eat alone,” he said to
my rigid back.
“Why don’t you just order me to eat with you?”
He sighed, and then slid onto the bed to spoon
behind me. His warmth was welcome, chasing
away the chill that had brought goose bumps to
my skin. He didn’t say anything for a long while,
just gave me the comfort of having him close. Or
maybe he was taking comfort in me.
“Eva.” His fingers caressed the length of my
silk-clad arm. “I can’t stand you being unhappy.
Talk to me.”
“I don’t know what to say. I thought we were
finally coming to a point where things would
smooth out between us.” I hugged the pillow
tighter.
“Don’t tense up, Eva. It hurts when you pull away
from me.”
I felt like he was pushing me away.
Rolling, I shoved him to his back; then I mounted
him, my robe parting as I straddled his hips. I ran
the palms of my hands over his powerful chest
and raked the tanned flesh with my nails. My hips
undulated over him, stroking my bare cleft over his
cock. Through the thin silk of his pants, I could feel
every ridge and thick vein. From the way his eyes
darkened and his sculpted mouth parted on
quickened breaths, I knew he could feel the outline
and damp heat of me as well.
“Is this so awful for you?” I asked, rocking my
hips. “Are you lying there thinking you’re not giving
me what I want because I’m in charge?”
Gideon set his hands on my thighs. Even that
innocuous touch seemed dominating.
The edginess and sharpened focus I’d detected
not long ago abruptly made sense to me—he
wasn’t restraining his force of will anymore.
The tremendous power coiled inside him was
now directed at me like a blast of heat.
“I’ve told you before,” he said huskily. “I’ll take
you however I can get you.”
“Whatever. Don’t think I don’t know you’re
topping from the bottom.”
His mouth curved with unapologetic
amusement.
Sliding down, I teased the flat disk of his nipple
with the tip of my tongue. I blanketed him as he’d
done to me in the past, stretching my body over
his hips and legs, my hands shoving beneath his
gorgeous ass to squeeze the firm flesh and hold
him tight against me. His cock was a thick column
against my belly, renewing my fierce appetite for
him.
“Are you going to punish me with pleasure?” he
asked quietly. “Because you can. You can bring
me to my knees, Eva.”
My forehead dropped to his chest and the air
left my lungs in an audible rush. “I wish.”
“Please don’t be so worried. We’ll get through
this along with everything else.”
“You’re so positive you’re right.” My gaze
narrowed. “You’re trying to prove a point.”
“And you might prove yours.” Gideon licked his
lower lip and my sex clenched in silent demand.
There was a brilliant depth of emotion in his
eyes. Whatever else was going on in our
relationship, there was no doubt we were
seriously twisted up over each other.
And I was about to demonstrate that in the flesh.
Gideon’s neck arched as my mouth moved over
his torso. “Oh, Eva.”
“Your world’s about to be rocked, Mr. Cross.”
It was. I made sure of it.
Feeling goofy with feminine triumph, I sat at
Gideon’s dining table and remembered him as
he’d been just a short time ago—damp with sweat
and panting, cursing as I took my time savoring
his luscious body.
He swallowed a bite of his steak, which had
been kept hot courtesy of a warming drawer, and
said calmly, “You’re insatiable.”
“Well, duh. You’re gorgeous, sexy, and very
well-hung.”
“I’m glad you approve. I’m also extremely
wealthy.”
I waved one hand carelessly, encompassing the
whole of what had to be a fifty-million-dollar
apartment. “Who cares about that?”
“Well, I do, actually.” His mouth curved.
I stabbed my fork into a German fried potato,
thinking that Peter Luger food was almost as
good as sex. Almost. “I’m interested in your
money only if it means you can afford to stop
working in favor of lounging around naked as my
sex slave.”
“I could afford to financially, yes. But you’d get
bored and dump me, then where would I be?” His
look was warmly amused. “Think you proved your
point, do you?”
I chewed, and then said, “Should I prove it
again?”
“The fact that you’re still horny enough to want to
proves my point.”
“Hmm.” I drank my wine. “Are you projecting?”
He shot me a look and casually chewed another
bite of the tenderest steak I’d ever had.
Restless and worried, I took a deep breath and
asked, “Would you tell me if our sex life didn’t
satisfy you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Eva.”
What else could have prompted him to bring
this up after our four-day breakup? “I’m sure it
doesn’t help that I’m not the type you usually go
for. And we haven’t used any of those toys you
had in the hotel—”
“Stop talking.”
“Excuse me?”
Gideon set his utensils down. “I’m not going to
listen to you shred your self-esteem.”
“What? You’re the only one who gets to do all
the talking?”
“You can pick a fight with me, Eva, but it’s still
not going to get you fucked.”
“Who said—” I shut up when he glared. He was
right. I still wanted him. I wanted him on top of me,
explosively lustful, completely in control of both my
pleasure and his.
Pushing away from the table, he said curtly,
“Wait here.”
When he returned a moment later, he set a
black leather ring box beside my plate and
resumed his seat. The sight of it hit me like a
physical blow. Fear struck me first, icy cold.
Followed swiftly by a longing that was white-hot.
My hands shook in my lap. I clasped my fingers
together and realized my whole body was
shaking. Lost, I lifted my gaze to Gideon’s face.
The feel of his fingertips brushing down my
cheek soothed much of the vibrating anxiety
inside me, leaving behind the terrible yearning.
“It’s not that ring,” he murmured gently. “Not yet.
You’re not ready.”
Something inside me wilted. Then relief flooded
me. It was too soon. Neither of us was ready. But if
I’d ever wondered how deeply I had fallen in love
with Gideon, now I knew.
I nodded.
“Open it,” he said.
With cautious fingers, I pulled the box closer
and thumbed open the lid. “Oh.”
Nestled inside the black leather and velvet was
a ring like no other. Gold rope-like bands were
intertwined and decorated with Xs covered in
diamonds.
“Bonds,” I murmured, “secured by crosses.”
Gideon Cross.
“Not quite. I see the ropes as representative of
the many threads of you, not bondage. But yes,
the Xs are me holding on to you. By my
fingernails, it feels like.” He finished his glass of
wine and refilled both our glasses.
I sat unmoving, stunned, trying to take it all in.
Everything he’d done in the time we’d been apart
—the photos, the ring, Dr. Petersen, the
replicated bedroom, and whoever had been
following me around—told me I’d never been far
from his mind, if I’d even left it at all.
“You gave me my keys back,” I whispered, still
remembering the pain.
His hand reached out and covered mine. “There
are a lot of reasons why I did that. You left me
wearing nothing but a robe, Eva, and without your
keys. I can’t stand thinking about what could’ve
happened if Cary hadn’t been home to let you in
right away.”
Lifting his hand to my mouth, I kissed the back;
then released him and closed the lid of the ring
box. “It’s beautiful, Gideon. Thank you. It means a
lot to me.”
“But you won’t wear it.” It wasn’t a question.
“After the conversation we’ve had tonight, it
feels like a collar.”
After a moment, he nodded. “You’re not
altogether wrong.”
My brain hurt and my heart ached. Four nights
of restless sleeping didn’t help. I couldn’t
understand why he felt I was so necessary, even
though I felt that way about him. There were
thousands of women in New York alone who could
replace me in his life, but there was only one
Gideon Cross.
“I feel like I’m disappointing you, Gideon. After
everything we’ve talked about tonight…I feel like
this is the beginning of the end.”
Pushing his chair back, he angled toward me
and touched my cheek. “It’s not.”
“When do we see Dr. Petersen?”
“I’ll go alone on Tuesdays. After you talk to him
and agree to couples counseling, we can go
together on Thursdays.”
“Two hours of your week, every week. Not
including the travel back and forth. That’s a big
commitment.” I reached up and brushed the hair
back from his cheek. “Thank you.”
Gideon caught my hand and kissed the palm.
“It’s no sacrifice, Eva.”
He went into his office to work a bit before bed
and I carried the ring box into the master
bathroom with me. I studied it further while I
brushed my teeth and hair.
There was a soft hum of need beneath my skin,
a persistent level of arousal that shouldn’t have
been possible considering the number of
orgasms I’d already had over the course of the
day. It was an emotionally driven need to connect
to Gideon, to reassure myself that we were okay.
Clutching the ring box in my hand, I went to my
side of Gideon’s bed and set it on the nightstand. I
wanted it where I’d see it first thing in the morning,
after a good night’s sleep.
With a sigh, I draped my beautiful new robe
over the footboard and crawled into bed. After
tossing and turning for a long while, I finally
crashed.
I woke sometime in the middle of the night to a
racing pulse and quick, shallow breathing.
Disoriented, I lay still for a moment, gathering my
bearings and remembering where I was. I tensed
when it sank in, my ears straining to hear if
Gideon was having another nightmare. When I
discovered him lying quietly beside me, his
breathing deep and even, I relaxed with a sigh.
What time had he finally come to bed? After the
days we’d spent apart, it worried me that he might
have felt a need to be alone.
Then it hit me. I was aroused. Painfully so.
My breasts were full and heavy, my nipples
furled and tight. My core was aching and my cleft
wet. As I lay there in the moonlit darkness, I
realized that my own body had woken me with its
demands. Had I dreamed something erotic? Or
was it enough that Gideon was lying beside me?
Pushing up onto my elbows, I looked at him.
The sheet and comforter clung to his waist,
leaving his sculpted chest and biceps bared. His
right arm was tossed over his head, framing the
fall of dark hair around his lavishly handsome
face. His left arm lay between us on the blankets,
the hand fisted and bringing to relief the network
of thick veins that coursed up his forearms. Even
in repose he looked fierce and powerful.
I became more aware of the tension inside me,
the sense that I was drawn to him by the silent
exertion of his formidable will. It wasn’t possible
that he could demand my surrender while he was
sleeping, yet it felt that way, felt like that invisible
rope between us was pulling me to him.
The throbbing between my legs grew
unbearable and I pressed one hand against the
violent pulsing, hoping to dull the ache. The
pressure worsened it instead.
I couldn’t stay still. Throwing the covers off, I slid
my legs off the side of the mattress and thought
about trying a glass of warm milk with the brandy
Gideon had given me earlier. Abruptly, I paused,
riveted by the moonlight gleaming off the leather
of the ring box on the nightstand. I thought of the
jewelry inside it and my desire surged. At that
moment, the thought of being collared by Gideon
filled me with heated yearning.
You’re just horny, I scolded myself.
You’re just horny, I scolded myself.
One of the girls in group had talked about how
her “master” could use her body any time and in
any way he wanted, for his pleasure alone. There
was nothing about that I’d found sexy…until I put
Gideon in the picture. I loved getting him off. I
loved making him come. Just because.
My fingers brushed over the lid of the tiny box.
Exhaling a shaky breath, I picked it up and
opened it. A moment later I was sliding the cool
band onto the ring finger of my right hand.
“Do you like it, Eva?”
A shiver moved through me at the sound of
Gideon’s voice, deeper and rougher than I’d ever
heard it. He’d been awake, watching me.
How long had he been conscious? Was he as
attuned to me while sleeping as I seemed to be to
him?
“I love it.” I love you.
Setting the box aside, I turned my head to find
him sitting up. His eyes glittered in a way that
made me impossibly more aroused, but also sent
a bite of fear through me. It was an unguarded
look, like the one that had literally knocked me on
my ass when we met—scorching and possessive,
filled with dark threats of ecstasy. His gorgeous
face was harsh in the shadows, his jaw taut as he
lifted my right hand to his mouth and kissed the
ring he’d given me.
I moved to kneel on the bed and draped my
arms around his neck. “Take me. Carte blanche.”
He cupped my butt and squeezed. “How does it
feel to say that?”
“Almost as good as the orgasms you’re going
to give me.”
“Ah, a challenge.” The tip of his tongue teased
the seam of my lips, tempting me with the promise
of a kiss he deliberately withheld.
“Gideon!”
“Lay back, angel, and grip your pillow with both
hands.” His mouth curved in a wicked smile.
“Don’t let go for any reason. Understand?”
Swallowing hard, I did as I was told, so turned
on I thought I might come from just the relentless
spasming of my needy sex.
He kicked the covers down to the footboard.
“Spread your legs and pull up your knees.”
My breath caught audibly as my nipples
hardened further, causing a deep ache in my
breasts. God, Gideon was hot as hell like this. I
was panting with excitement, my mind spinning
with the possibilities. The flesh between my legs
trembled with want.
“Oh, Eva,” he crooned, running his index finger
through my slick cleft. “Look how greedy you are
for me. It’s a full-time job keeping this sweet little
cunt satisfied.”
That single rigid finger pushed into me, parting
the swollen tissues. I tightened around him, so
close to coming I could taste it. He withdrew and
lifted his hand to his mouth, licking my flavor from
his skin. My hips arched without volition, my body
straining toward his.
“Your fault I’m so hot for you,” I gasped. “You
slacked on the job for days.”
“Then I better make up for lost time.” Sliding
down into a prone position, he settled his
shoulders beneath my thighs and rimmed the
quivering entrance to my body with the tip of his
tongue. Around and around. Ignoring my clit and
refraining from fucking me even when I begged.
“Gideon, please.”
“Shh. I have to get you ready first.”
“I’m ready. I was ready before you woke up.”
“Then you should’ve woken me earlier. I’ll
always take care of you, Eva. I live for it.”
Whimpering in distress, I rocked my hips into
that teasing tongue. Only when I was soaked with
my own arousal, creaming desperately for the feel
of any part of him I could get inside me, did he
crawl over me and settle between my spread
thighs, placing his forearms flat on the bed.
He held my gaze. His cock, feverishly hot and
hard as stone, lay against the lips of my sex. I
wanted it inside me more than I wanted to
breathe. “Now,” I gasped. “Now.”
With a practiced shift of his hips, he rammed
deep into me, shoving me up the bed.
“Ah, God,” I gasped, convulsing ecstatically
around the thick column of flesh that possessed
me. This was what I’d needed since we’d talked in
his home office, what I’d craved as I rode up and
down his steely erection before dinner, what I’d
needed even as I climaxed around his thick
length.
“Don’t come,” he murmured in my ear, cupping
my breasts in his hands and rolling my nipples
between his thumb and forefingers.
“What?” I was pretty sure if he’d just take a
deep breath I’d go off.
“And don’t let go of the pillow.”
Gideon began to move in a slow, lazy rhythm.
“You’re going to want to,” he murmured, nuzzling
the sensitive spot beneath my ear. “You love to
grab my hair and rake your nails down my back.
And when you’re close to coming, you like to
squeeze my ass and yank me deeper. Makes me
so damn hard when you go wild like that, when
you show me how much you love how I feel inside
you.”
“No fair,” I moaned, knowing he was
deliberately provoking me. The cadence of his
raspy voice was perfectly timed with the relentless
surging of his hips. “You’re torturing me.”
“Good things come to those who wait.” His
tongue traced the shell of my ear, and then dipped
inside at the same moment he tugged on my
nipples.
I bucked into his next thrust and nearly came.
Gideon knew my body so well, knew all its secrets
and erogenous zones. He was expertly stroking
his cock inside me, rubbing over and over the
tender bundle of nerves that quivered in delight.
Rolling his hips, he screwed into me, exploiting
other spots. I made a plaintive sound, on fire for
him, desperately infatuated. My fingers cramped
with the grip I had on my pillow, my head thrashing
against the driving need to orgasm. He could get
me there just by rubbing inside me, the only man
who’d ever been skilled enough to give me an
intense vaginal orgasm.
“Don’t come,” he repeated, his voice hoarse.
“Make it last.”
“I c-can’t. It feels too good. God, Gideon…”
Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. “I…I’m
lost in you.”
I cried softly, afraid to say the other L-word too
soon and risk upsetting the delicate balance
between us.
“Oh, Eva.” He rubbed his cheek against my
damp face. “I must’ve wished for you so hard and
so often you had no choice but to come true.”
“Please,” I begged softly. “Slow down.”
Gideon lifted his head to look at me, choosing
that moment to pinch my nipples with just enough
force to inflict a hint of pain. The tender muscles
inside me clenched down so hard that his next
thrust caused him to groan.
“Please,” I pled again, trembling with the effort
to stave off my building climax. “I’m going to come
if you don’t slow down.”
His gaze was hot on my face, his hips still
lunging in a measured tempo that was slowly
stealing my sanity. “Don’t you want to come,
Eva?” he purred in that voice that could lure me
into hell with a dreamy smile. “Isn’t that what
you’ve been working toward all night?”
My neck arched as his lips drifted across my
throat. “Only when you say I can,” I gasped.
“Only…when you say.”
“Angel.” One hand moved to my face, brushing
back the strands of hair that clung to the
perspiration on my skin. He kissed me deeply,
reverently, licking deep into my mouth.
Yes…
“Come for me,” he coaxed, quickening his
pace. “Come, Eva.”
On command, the orgasm struck me like a
blow, shocking my system with an overload of
sensation. Wave after wave of pulsing heat rolled
through me, contracting my sex and tightening my
core. I cried out, first with an inarticulate sound of
agonized pleasure, then with his name. Chanting
it over and over as he drove his beautiful cock into
me, prolonging my climax, before pushing me into
another one.
“Touch me,” he rasped, as I fell apart beneath
him. “Hold me.”
Freed from his command to hold the pillow, I
bound him to my sweat-slick body with arms and
legs. He pounded deep and hard, driving
strenuously toward his climax.
He came with a growl, his head thrown back as
he spurted into me for long minutes. I held him
until our bodies cooled and our breathing evened.
When Gideon finally rolled off me, he didn’t go
far. He wrapped himself around my back and
whispered, “Sleep now.”
I don’t remember if I stayed awake long enough
to reply.
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